Sunday, 22 March 2015

Today in football - 22/03/15

Former Manchester United manager has described this season's Premier League as the "poorest he has seen "in a long time".

"Maybe we have talked up the Premier League more than we should," the 51-year-old Scot told BBC Radio 5 liveSky, The BBC and pundits across the land have reacted with confusion, dismay and anger.

When found for comment, Sean Dyche was seen roaring from the roof of Turf Moor as a plane carrying Danny Ings receded into the Spanish sunset, a mixture of rage and sorrow palpable in his gravelly voice.

"So if we're to believe Moyes," reasoned one confused member of the public, "then there's no best league in the world. Which only makes sense if there are no leagues in the world, and that's bollocks."

Another member of the public added that he'd seen Scottish football before and not only did it exist, but it was worse than the Hindenburg Disaster.

Currently a petition is gaining momentum for Moyes' citizenship of the UK to be revoked. 

Moyes added that it is no shame to fail in a league as poor as that, and its qualities may be drastically improved by hiring a solid and experienced Scottish manager who would be doing just as well as that Dutch cunt if he had had as much money to spend.

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